Response to Cam's Post on masks...

I could 100% relate to what Cam said about masks, and feeling as if he has to put on a front in the public eye. I often feel as if I am stuck in that same limbo of having to appease everyone. I spent a large majority of my life caring so much about the opinions of others, that I started to belittle my own. As I entered high school, that struggle started to ease as I made the conscious decision to stop giving a poop. In my senior year of high school, right before prom, I cut off all my hair. It was the first time in my life where I felt truly free. I took something, that I allowed to largely define me and stripped myself of it. It forced me faced the discomfort of vulnerability and to reveal the parts of myself (not just physically but symbolically) that I often felt my hair hid.

Coming into college, I notice that I have fallen back into that cycle. Especially being at a PWI, I have noticed myself being far too conscious of the opinions that others have of me. I have tried to be quieter and less opinionated to avoid being stereotyped. I felt my presence in a room more and more because of the absence of people that looked like me, and it has led me to be more aware and somewhat cautious of my behaviors and the way I speak and interact with those around me. I am currently going through my second phase of "I no longer give a stinky poop." I am planning on cutting my hair off again. Honestly, being a black girl in a PWI makes it hard to not be noticed. Being a black girl with short hair in a PWI is certainly going to force me to stand my ground and accept myself and my presence where ever I am.

Also, I am so ready for spring weather. The winter is evil. The way the cold abuses me every time I walk out of my dorm should be a hate crime. But oh man, when the spring weather comes, I am so ready to strip off the winter coat and show some epidermis.

Lastly, Calvin is annoying. I needed his help a few minutes ago with an ongoing investigation lmao, and he tried to accuse me of planning a murder. I am a lover, not a fighter. A promoter of peace nor war. I just simply needed some information on a particular person for another particular person. I feel like that was not much to ask for. Alright guys now I am not even saying anything of substance so I'm going to shut my fingertips up. Goodnight.