Okay so starting this off by saying that I have had an amazing Freshman year of college, a statement I NEVER expected myself to say. This year was truly something special for me and I found myself blossoming into a whole new person. I allowed myself to be true to me for once instead of being true to what people think I am. And this writing course, oddly enough, was one of the factors that helped that come to fruition. The discussions that were spawned allowed me to really speak my mind and listen to other's opinions and form new ones for myself. So, being completely honest, I will miss this class. Now, I could go on about my love for Sebastian Stockman and his Wednesday/Friday 11:45 to 1:25 First Year Writing class, but that's not the purpose of this blog post.
I'm here to talk about my experience at the O'Bryant. I don't think I could have been more forlorn about beginning my tutoring session on the first day, and I definitely think that my attitude towards the day impacted my actual experience. I thought the first day was awful frankly. I did no meaningful work and found it impossible to connect with a single person in the room. Heather scared me, Claudia was following Heather's tailcoats, and Annie and Bryce were both incredibly quiet, and the students were either intimidated by me or had no interest in asking for help. I felt really alone for two hours and kind of wanted to cry (and that's not being dramatic). I felt more relieved than ever leaving the O'Bryant that day. The next 3 weeks or so went along a similar vein, mostly due to the work that the students were tasked to complete. It was all very preliminary work on an essay that I had no idea how to help with, so I didn't know how to help out, yet I was constantly being pressured to help. Once the first half was over, we went on Spring Break, and then upon coming back I noticed an immediate change in the dynamic at the Writer's Room. Heather suddenly eased off (just a little though), Claudia was a brand new person and she seemed more genuinely herself, Annie was energetic and passionate about the work she was doing, and Bryce was really kind and welcoming. The students were still intimidated and/or didn't want help with their work, but since these kids were older than the other class (also AP students) the dynamic was a fair amount less severe. I overall began enjoying my time more. The next two weeks of volunteering went better than the first four, but the real change came in the seventh week. When I walked into the room that Tuesday morning, I noticed one more face than normal, Kefi was there. Now I'm not saying that Kefi was a grace from God or anything, but there was a distinct difference in the room with her there. As a white kid in a school environment with primarily people of color, I felt like there was a difference of experience that I didn't have that the students I was working with did have. However, the kid's all acted very differently when Kefi was there. Obviously not trying to put her on the spot or point her out, but I do credit her as being one of the main reasons why I started enjoying my time more. Everyone got along swimmingly the last two weeks and when the final day came, I noticed that everything about that day was leagues better than the first. I was able to help more and do more significant work with the students thanks to my more positive mindset, and I ended the day with one major thought: I was way sadder about being done with tutoring than I expected. Not that I was SAD that it was over, but it was less of a "thank the lord I'm out". So that is my main takeaway from the O'Bryant. Attitude and environment has a significant effect on everything you do. I am going away from everything happy with what I have learned and overall knowing that I will continue on actively trying to make my attitude as positive as it can be.
So to end it off, if any of you actually read this, I hope you do the same as I learned to do. I have so much respect for each of you and I hope to maintain contact with you for the remainder of our college experience. I'll miss our time spent together this semester but I leave it knowing I am a better person because of you all, this time being completely dramatic.
For the last time this semester,
Peace and love from Ya Boi Calvin
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