The whole idea of having different masks for different situations is something that I feel relates heavily to my life. Ever since I was a young kid I noticed that I would adapt to wherever I was at the time, and act in accordance. It's definitely something that some people view negatively, but I view it as one of my greatest strengths. This past weekend I spent time at Fordham University with my high school friend (who also happens to be my ex of about 2 years) and we had a long conversation about this topic. Just for context, she and I are on very good terms and maintain a good friendship. When we were dating one of the things she would always bring up was how she hated going to parties or other social gatherings with me because I always acted differently. It's all due to this mask that I put on and take off. She didn't realize that at the time, but after some discussion, we were at a level of understanding. She thought that since I was able to do this, she was never sure as to how sincere of a person I was. She didn't know which "me" was the real me. This caused a bit of uncertainty in our relationship at the time, but it was soon figured out. I bring this up because of my past weekend. Spending time with new people, I obviously wanted them to like me. I put on my likable, party mask and went to town.
As convoluted as that may have been to say, my point is that I am me. No matter what mask I put on, the core person is still the same. I feel like putting this whole topic in terms of "masks" makes it sound more negative than it is. I prefer to think of it as switches. When I act differently, I am not diverging from my own base behavior, I am merely changing what parts are exemplified. For instance, when I was at Fordham, and I was partying and doing other things of the sort, I was not in a chill state of mind for the most part. I was ready to engage in whatever situation presented itself, and have fun with it. Does it mean that I cannot be chill ever? No. I just have the ability to change that about myself.
Sorry for the most likely difficult to read post, I know I'm famous for those, but seeing Cam's blog post made me really want to comment on the topic. This has been a big thing for me in life, and overcoming the feeling that I am not a bad person because of it has allowed me to feel more free as a person. Thank you to whoever reads this, and I hope I can put more posts out like this. As a person who has suffered a variety of mental health issues throughout their life, I like to discuss my experiences, so if you ever want to ask me questions, feel free. I am always open to talk and I love trying to help out.
Ya boi,
Calvin
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