Who Am I?

Hello everyone again,

I decided this week to write a heavier blog than my usual postings, I want to pose the question of who am I? Not only who am I, but who are you, who is everyone, what are we all hiding? Now this might sound sort of paranoid or crazy but allow me to explain. Everyone wears masks, I have a family mask, I have a mask for my high school friends, I have a mask for my college friends, I have a mask for teachers, I have a mask for everything. My question is who is under the mask, am I even wearing a mask when I'm sitting alone in my room. Am I still pretending to be someone else just to convince myself that is who I am at my core. Who am I? What do I like? Is there any way for me to really get to know myself? I think the only people who truly know who they are wear no masks, they are the same with everyone they meet. But do they actually exist, is there anyone that truly can be the same with everyone? What would I be like if I wasn't constantly trying to meet the expectations of others? Is there a person behind all this pretending? I am asking a lot of questions and providing no answers. The essay we had to write for this class, actually has me kind of messed up. The essay made me call everything I know about myself into question. I wrote my essay on trying to be funny, and learning what it means to be funny. But to be truthful, I haven't felt very funny recently, it feels with every passing day another joke doesn't land. Am I just growing out of this "funny phase"of my life, am I just shedding the mask of a comedian? I've always told myself and others that I want to do stand-up comedy, but I have made absolutely no efforts to actually go through with it. I have done no research into open mike nights, or places where I could develop my skills. Am I just afraid that I will once and for all know that I am just simply not that funny? What am I if not a comedian, it's become so ingrained in how I think of myself I actually don't know who am I without it. What part of my personality would define me if it wasn't being funny? Should I just stop? Who knows. What I do know is that as of right now I know nothing else, I think that this mask might just be gorilla glued to my face. As I said in the beginning this is going to be a heavier post. Sorry if you read this and it brings you down, but it has been on my mind for a while. Next week I will hopefully have a lighter topic of conversation. For now I will leave you with my final question, who are you under all the masks?

Love you,

Cam