Reading Cam's post reminded me of something that I thought about before. I think I read something and it made me think about how many versions of “you” that there are in this world. I’m not talking about doppelgangers or twins, but more like how many images of you exists. I guess it’s related to types of masks that you wear in front of different people. Not to flex, but I do remember one thing from my Intro Comm class last semester. We learned about front stage and back stage versions of yourself and how you present yourself differently to different people. Your front stage “persona” can vary but it’s generally meant for public, usually to make yourself look better. Your backstage behavior is closer to your “real” self, or who you actually are. I can definitely see this in myself. I got so used to the comfort of high school and staying with the same people for 4 years that I genuinely didn’t know how to act in front of strangers. Of course, I met new people throughout high school through my friends but it was always in group settings. Once college started, I was forced to socialize with strangers alone?? What a mess. I didn’t even know how to act. I didn’t even know why I was acting in a way that was so unlike me. It was so tiring, trying to be this adaptable, universally-accepted person. I think I just gave up on that now. Or at least, I’m trying to not do that anymore. It’s a better life. Constantly changing your image to fit your situation is just not it. But it’s a bad habit that I notice myself falling into once in a while.
Anyways, regardless of who you portray yourself to be, everyone will see you differently. Even if you think that you are acting the same way in front of everyone, no two people will think of you the same. Everyone has different experiences growing up and no one can experience the same exact life. And isn’t the way that you view the world based on your previous experiences? So it’s impossible for you to appear the same to different people. Your mom and dad even see you in slightly different ways. No matter who you try to be (or not to be), I don’t think that you will ever succeed. Idk it’s weird. So how many versions of the idea of me is out there? I don’t even know what I’m saying.
My friend from high school came up from New Jersey to hang out for the weekend. It was fun! Megan and I ate lunch with him and it was like my worlds were colliding. My (loud) sister also came up from New York with her boyfriend. But her visit was a surprise to me. She texted me a week or two ago telling me to Facetime her from 1-3PM on Saturday, 2/16. It was so specific but I agreed. I kept asking why she needed those two hours and why she couldn’t just tell me now. She told me to wait until Saturday because she needed to tell me exactly then. I stopped asking questions but I was anxious for the rest of the week until Saturday. I asked my sister if Megan could sit in on our conversation and my sister said that it was fine. So Megan and I started our laundry and sat down, ready to listen for 2 hours. I Facetimed her and she immediately told me that I needed to go downstairs and pick up something that she delivered to me. I don’t know why I believed her but I dragged Megan downstairs with me, in our pajamas, and looked for the delivery guy. Obviously no delivery guy but MY SISTER JUMPED OUT. I really got a heart attack. We ended up getting dinner and hanging out the next morning. It was a nice weekend :)
I hope you didn't get whiplash from the sudden change of topic.
Sincerely,
Crystal
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